I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
