You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
tell me about the fingering
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