dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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