It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i came on her dog
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
