they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
