Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
