some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
