apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
