You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
