Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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