Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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