a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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