shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
