I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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