toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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