have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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