just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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