My first STD was from a foam party
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
