just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
