Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
