I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I deserve this hangover.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
