The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
