He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
