Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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