u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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