Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
