That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
