tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I want a musical about memes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
