hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
