I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
