There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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