So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
