wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My cat gives me a boner
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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