Betty ford says i'm here all night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
