By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
