do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
