I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
