Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
