nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
