Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
