so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
