Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
