I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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