Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
