He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
