Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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