so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
