last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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