I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
