I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
