this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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